I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
