would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
