don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
