k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
