You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
