so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.