Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed