I think about you every night.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.