I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.