Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
