My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
