Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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