So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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