awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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