FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
