One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.