I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.