I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision