I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
