He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
