Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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