He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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