my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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