I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
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Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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