i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
