Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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