We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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