im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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