last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
