i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My cat gives me a boner
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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