Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
