were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
