The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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