Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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