An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
