it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
