no, he came in my armpit
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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