It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
