shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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