is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
