I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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