My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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