Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
