and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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