Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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