So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
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At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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