He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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