The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize