i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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