I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
