Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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