I love black thongs
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
