He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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