I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
