You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
