I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
