He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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