The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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