I smell stomach acid.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
