My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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