You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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