what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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