my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
