there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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