I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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