dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
