dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
