I'm eating all of the evidence.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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