Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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