I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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